December 2008, Revisited

Fernley: Population more than 12,600.

But during that trip

Home

I could've been all

Alone

And still felt the same.

Everything

Was the same,

I was the one

Who had changed.

I knew that my family

And my friends

Saw a change

In me.

A change that was

Evolving

Slowly.

A change that

I wouldn't see

Until

It was too

Late.

Normally when I'm home

With my family

I would spend

As much time

With my family and friends

As possible.

[Time is such a precious thing,

You know.]

But this trip

Was different,

like me.

I locked myself

In my sister's

Bathroom

For hours

On end

To talk to someone

That I didn't necessarly

Want to talk to.

I wanted to be out,

Socializing,

But I had to keep A.B.F.

Happy.

I reassured him

Every night

That I would be back
But that wasn't enough.

I finally came to a realization
That I barely got to see
My family
And I needed to spend
The time
I did have
With the people who matter
Not in the bathroom.

I was so embarrassed.

For myself,

For my sister,

For my niece and nephew,

For my mom and Ron,

For Amber....

But mostly I was scared.

Scared that ABF

Would be mad.

That's even more reason to be embarrassed.