I should have

Listened

Alli,

He's no good for you.

He will hurt you.

What happens the next time he gets angry but nothing is around, except for you?

You've changed.

I barely know who you are anymore.

Stood my ground.

Instead,

I made him the KING

Of everything.

[When in reality,

I should've been the only QUEEN

In his life.]

Been true.

Not told everyone

What they wanted to hear.

NOT TRUSTED YOU.

The lies,

The secrets,

The tantrums,

The blaming,

Telling my BEST FRIEND'S MOM that you wanted her instead??

NOT OKAY!



Halloween 2009

Waking up

Without

Rose-colored

Glasses

On,

I was extatic

To be going home.

The lies were there,

More than ever.

I needed a break.

As we landed

In Reno,

I felt

Like I could

Finally breathe.

For a moment.

No right.

You have no right

To say

"I love you"

To unsuspecting

Girls

And then

Rip

Their freedom

Away.

 You have no right

To sit there

And play the victim.

You are a tool

Beyond words. 



Ashamed

For sooo long,

I felt horrible

About myself.

I remember

Days

When I wouldn't

Want to get out of bed.

I hated

Myself

For everything

That had happened

Between

Us.

Thinking

It was

ALL

MY

FAULT.

When I started

Waking

Up

From the haze

Of "love,"

I felt

Even more ashamed

For thinking

You

Could love

Anyone

But yourself.

Now

Finding out

You cheated
Multiple
Times.

I am more

Than ashamed.

You cant take advatage

Of people

And lead

Them

On with false

Hope.

It's not

Just about me

Anymore.

I feel

Ashamed

For anyone

Who crosses

Paths

With you.

Two years.

Two years.

I let

You win.

Two years.

I was dumb.

Two years.

You didn't deserve me.

Two years.

I'll never get back.

Two years.

I lied

To myself

And everyone

Who cared.

Two years.

Of always

Losing.

Pathetic.

Lame.

Get.

Over.

Yourself.

October 2009.

Broken
And bleeding
From the inside
Out.

I want:
To be loved.

Is that sooo hard?

I guess
It is because
You feel absolutley
No remorse
For making
Me choose
Between the boy
Who thought
He could change
Me
And the family
Who always
Loved me for me,
Even when
I didn't deserve
It.

You accept no blame
For your actions
And make me
Feel like I'm the guilty party.

I love you,
But something 
Has to change.

Darkeness

Darkeness wakes
Deep inside
Just as night comes 
As daytime
Fades.

With each sip,
I fall deeper and deeper
Into oblivion.

Memories fade
To black.

And I am
Feeling wonderful
On life.

For an instant.