Fixing

Things with lies
And fake
I love you's

Is not okay.

Going through life
With secrets
And trying to
Find
Your self worth
In someone else
While tearing 
Them down?

Basically
You are a tool.

Looking

In the mirror

At the person

Looking back

At me.

I don't know

Who she is.

Will I ever find me again?

December 2009.

A story

Will unfold

In front of your eyes.

Hurt.

Pain.

Tears.

Rage.

Screams.

Control.

How can

It be possible

With no self

Control

To

Make you feel

So small?

Why did she leave me?

It's her fault,

I can't control

My temper.

Nevada.

Family.

Home.

Nevada.

Devil.

F that.

I'm not going back.

I'm going to make her come back.

One lie

Stacked

On another.

Perfect!

I still have

Control!

One phone call

Changes

Everything.

"I love you too.

Everything will be okay!"

I cant wait until I can scare her!

Home.

Lies.

Everyone knows.

Welcome home, Honey!

Everything will be different.

[Worse.]



Chances

You don't really understand
How many
Chances
I gave you
To prove
Everyone
Wrong.

Your "I'm sorrys"
Don't mean anything
To me
Anymore.

I cried
So many times
For you,

Wasted
So many
Tears.

So much time.

Two years.

Of excuses.

And lies.

I am stronger
Now.

You will never
Get close
To me again.

Don't try.

Looking back.

Almost two
Years
Have passed
Since
The day
I finally
Found
My inner
Strength.

Memories
Flash
Like
A blur
Of pictures
In my mind.

Seems like
Forever
Ago
Yet the pain
Sometimes
Feels so fresh
Inside
Like it happened yesterday.

I am stronger
Now
Then before
And you will
Always
Be the same.

I should have

Listened

Alli,

He's no good for you.

He will hurt you.

What happens the next time he gets angry but nothing is around, except for you?

You've changed.

I barely know who you are anymore.

Stood my ground.

Instead,

I made him the KING

Of everything.

[When in reality,

I should've been the only QUEEN

In his life.]

Been true.

Not told everyone

What they wanted to hear.

NOT TRUSTED YOU.

The lies,

The secrets,

The tantrums,

The blaming,

Telling my BEST FRIEND'S MOM that you wanted her instead??

NOT OKAY!



Halloween 2009

Waking up

Without

Rose-colored

Glasses

On,

I was extatic

To be going home.

The lies were there,

More than ever.

I needed a break.

As we landed

In Reno,

I felt

Like I could

Finally breathe.

For a moment.